Over close to an 18 month period in 2010 and 2011 I had the privilege of leading the soldiers of Combat Team – Charlie, Mentoring Task Force 2. During this time, we trained, worked, deployed, and fought together in some pretty complex situations. While the bulk of the force was made up of soldiers from Charlie Company, 5th Battalion – of which I was Officer Commanding – many others came from units from within the 1st Brigade and much further afield. We bonded and grew to trust each other through hard training, shared values and a belief in our mission. As we left Australia together I was confident that bond would keep us strong during the course of our tour.

About eight months later we were planning our departure towards the end of a very long tour in Afghanistan. It became apparent that due to the staggered exit of our team, some soldiers would be gone from our base in Darwin prior to the last of us coming home. The close connection forged by training, living, working and fighting together would be lost to some straight away. So I began to write.

Over the course of a few weeks I wrote 180 letters to the next-of-kin of the soldiers who had served in Combat Team – Charlie.* It was an attempt to inform our families of what we had achieved and suffered, how we had thrived and survived. It was a short salute to the work of the soldiers of the Combat Team, some of whom would not get the chance to be thanked in person; an attempt to retain the esprit-de-corps which kept us functional while isolated from hearth and home.

The bonds of our Combat Team remain strong – but not because of the letters. It is strong because of the efforts our team made to remain in contact with each other. Members of our team have travelled together, worked together and make the effort to call and talk to each other. On Anzac Day five years after our return we held our first reunion in Launceston, Tasmania, where we visited the graveside of our fallen brother Richard Atkinson and marched proudly with his family in the parade. Our next reunion was planned for Anzac Day in Canberra in 2020 – COVID cruelled that but even then the communications between the team were strong. Delayed but not deterred, we met again in Canberra and Sydney in 2021. Each time we meet in person is an opportunity to connect again and check in on each other, to relive our trials and tribulations, and even to forgive past grievances.

Leadership in the Army can be a lonely affair. Like many Officers, the friendships forged in training and as a junior leader are as strong as ever for me. Every year for almost ten years my Army brothers from the old days of the 5th/7th Battalion have gathered to play cards, drink, talk and enjoy each other’s company – unless Stu is winning cards or Josh is presenting a 100% true fact of science of dubious credibility. Even though three of our crew live within kilometres of each other it is the opportunity provided to talk and spend time together in person that makes a difference to us all.

The point of this is, that while modern technology and social media have allowed us to retain some sense of connection, we really need to check in with each other face to face, or talk on the phone in the worst case.** When my friends and colleagues have needed help as they wrestled with their own issues, it has always been in a personal conversation that they, or I, have been able to say “Mate, I’m struggling a bit, and I need a hand.”

As we end this year, I ask all of my network in general, and veterans in particular, to pick up the phone, RV at a pub or café, and ask someone how they are doing face to face. Don’t let a passing connection on social media stand in place of true esprit-de-corps, real friendships and genuine interest in someone’s well-being.

It doesn’t take a letter to let someone know you care.

* This number reflects all soldiers who served in the Combat Team including reinforcements, leave replacements and other detachments. Not all 180 soldiers were on the ground at the same time.

**The author completely recognises the irony of sending this message over social media.